I think it started as just a way to break from the norm. I had just finished my CS degree and had been working full time the last month or so of school, and I was just sick of computers. Additionally a friend of mine and I had been talking about it for a while and we just decided to grab who we could and jump in. It worked for a while as a nice way to break from the computerized world, but I think it has evolved beyond that.
Throughout the evolution of the game and the playgroup (we’re actually on our second game and while five players remain from the original game, one has shifted to the DM and we’ve added one permanent player) we’ve made kind of a ritual out of the whole thing. We eat together, have a beer or two, and launch into the fantasy world to play characters we find interesting as they attempt to change the world around them to some goal. Its fun, its fantastic (sometimes fantastically bad, as we’ll explore later), and its fantasy.
Looking forward I suspect that at least my wife, the DM (also one of my closest friends), and probably one or two others depending on life circumstances will continue to play for as long as we’re all around to gather. Its just become part of our lives at this point, and the few weeks we’ve gone without are just missing something. Sometimes yous miss that encounter where you narrowly escape and a few clutch choices and good rolls got everyone through the battle. Other times its more about the dialogs the characters have amongst themselves, be them funny, enlightening, or sad. Still others its just the little moments where we let our guard down and laugh, argue, or lose together.
Yes I did say lose together. I’m not here to tell anyone how to play DnD, but I have personally found that some of the most enjoyable moments come from when we do a diverse range of actions and activities in DnD and are met with an equally diverse range of results and thus emotional responses. If all you do is kill stuff and win and have super awesome fun then that’s fine, but its really not for me. If all you do is grind through hours of intense combat over and over and barely win or nearly always lose, I also think you’re missing out. And more so you’re missing out on the beer tornadoes!
My first character was a Water Genasi Druid, so Shape Water was a cantrip I learned early. The first tavern we stopped at we all got up to a certain amount of tomfoolery and I asked the DM if I could use this cantrip to essentially make a floating tornado of beer and use it to help the other patrons of the tavern expedite their consumption. He let it happen and a legend in this relatively small town was born. Overall for the story, encounters, and even relationships we formed it ended up being a funny side note, but its one that I remember today and its one that I would wager my friends at the table still remember as well. This is but one example, and until you play all sides of the game you’ll never get to see what your beer tornado (or the 50 other small jokes or funny asides we’ve come up with since then) will be.
The next lesson is to embrace losing gracefully, and never think that because you have a solid grasp of the mechanics that DnD has nothing to teach you. You can (and I have and probably will again) lose in a lot of different ways in DnD. Most of the ways you can lose that have to do with the game are explored through the wealth of content available elsewhere, but there are some ways you can lose that you may not expect and some ways that people just don’t think is fun. First of all be prepared to lose in battle, running and licking your wounds. Close fights make the game super interesting for our group, and sometimes it just feels bad because one or two better decisions could’ve turned the tide. Impossible encounters also serve a valuable lesson both in the game and in life. Some battles just aren’t worth fighting.
Less obvious ways to lose include how you impact the other players at the group. My advice here is to focus on how your player impacts your friends. I’m not saying don’t do the thing your character does and have fun doing it, but if you pair that with a context to where you want your character to be memorable to those you play with, you’ll almost certainly end up in a situation where you’re fun to play with. Don’t be mean to your friends over a game, and don’t pretend that if you have a disagreement with a player or the group at large that its everyone’s job to talk to you until you’re convinced. Its a game, you’re here to play, and no bad decision is worth name calling, ignoring someone, or wasting everyone’s time because you think that if you disagree its not ok.
Lastly for this section (I could probably write a book on all the lessons I’ve learned from playing DnD) remember that if your cart steers off the road and crashes, you an either choose to walk alone or gather your traveling companions and get back on the road. Don’t dwell on who was steering the cart or who was backseat driving, dwell on how to get the cart back on the road; dwell on the next action at hand and how to enable your group to get there.
In addition to playing with my friends, we also started playing a game with our kids. I DM and Kalen is the support character to help enable our fearless barbarian and cunning ranger to find success along their path. First things first-if you thing your group takes a lot of supporting, I assure its probably not as bad as having a barbarian that just has a hard time sitting down when he gets excited by it all. She has done wonders with allowing us to play even if the sessions are shorter, more silly, and with some fairly suboptimal plays.
On our first session with the kids they did a fairly stock, standard adventure of going to fight a pack of ruthless goblins outside of town who had taken the mayor hostage. While it certainly wasn’t my finest hour of writing, the kids were bursting with excitement to play the game they’d caught brief glances of us playing. They made their way to the cave, beat most of the goblins, and had one more to go. It was my son’s turn and so I asked him if he wanted to attack the last goblin. He sat there for a moment and (for the first time in our game) thought about it.
“Ummm, no, I want to make it my friend,” he said in a startling turn of events. I of course informed him that this would probably be fairly difficult as he’d already beaten up all of the goblin’s friends. He insisted and I told him to roll to see what happens. Natural 20. He made a friend that day. To this day in their world he comes in, checks on my son’s character, and either goes about his business or occasionally helps them out with some innocuous task would otherwise be fairly achievable even without the goblin friend. I voice act it, we all laugh, and I-I-N G O, much like the beer tornado, has become a nice little moment we remember. Its was a beautiful and funny moment that was both fun and instructive, and I am immensely impressed with a game that can do that for both my children and myself.
Haven’t played? Try it. Seriously, just do it. I’d even say if you try it and weren’t crazy about it, try with a different group. Its certainly not for everyone, but I think there is a lot of opportunity and potential brewed into the game if you find a group that can help you take advantage of it. If you go into an existing group learn about what kind of game they play and spend the time to develop that part of your character. Combat heavy? Learn your class and the rules relating to how it operates. Role play heavy? Go write an awesome backstory-if it fits on your character sheet, you probably haven’t come up with enough. New group? Do a bit of everything. Spend the time to prepare, it’ll be worth it.
Also don’t try to win. Again I’m being quite serious. I think its actually reasonably hard to win at DnD if you consider winning beating the DM or beating your fellow players. I’m sure there are groups out there…but personally I think it just misses the point. Focus on building interesting and memorable characters, making smart and interesting decisions in combat, and building a way of playing the game that your group enjoys. Take good notes, listen to other players and the DM, and reflect on the game outside of the game. Most importantly enjoy all aspects of it you can and seek the life lessons written between the lines.